For the longest time, I would believe that things in my life were so hard because of a drink or drug. I thought that was the only thing that was causing my life to be terrible. One thing I have learned in sobriety- take away the drink and drug, And life still is hard!
Life is Hard
It was not a magic wand that instantaneously fixed everything once I stopped using/drinking! However what I will say, is that the obsession to numb myself with these things would cause an even greater adverse reaction to what already was going on, they did in fact cause life to be even harder. This journey has not been easy- fighting my way through has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and on top of life being hard- I had to learn how to live all over again. I think people have this fantasy that once you get clean & sober life is easy. People still hurt you when you’re sober, they still let you down. I still mess up and make mistakes.SOBER
Life happens and you still have bad days. Some days I feel like a trillion things have gone in ways I had not expected or really wanted to deal with. But I wouldn’t trade any of these bad days or hard moments to go back to that life. Because not every bad or hard thing that happens requires me to lose my peace or panic, not every heartache or hurt causes me to emotionally shut down and feel that this life isn’t worth living- because what I’ve learned was mostly that it’s my response to life that causes me trouble, not those actual situations that occur- I have a choice to let something debilitate me, or keep swimming through.
See not only did I numb myself through the bad- I also numbed myself from the moments that are filled with happiness, I didn’t appreciate the days that things did go amazing- I never had gratitude for the things that outweigh all the bad- I was totally numb to not only negative emotions- but to positive emotions as well. I had numbed my heart so bad to the point where I didn’t even know what love felt like- and I don’t mean romantic love, but just the love that still does exist in this world, the love that I was to show others around me. I didn’t even know how to love myself. I was numb in every way possible- a zombie just barely walking through.
He will get me through every situation
Life is not rainbows and butterflies 24/7- it takes work. The key to being able to get through it, is knowing that My God is the creator, author, and finisher- He is the Alpha and Omega. Without Him I am nothing, but with Him I am able to fight the toughest battles- and not allow them to cause me to be swerved- because I got rooted in His word- my heart is full of joy more than sadness- because I gave it back to the One who created it- I know that He will get me through every situation if I just press into Him-
Life has not gotten easier- He has made me stronger-His strength made perfect in my weakness-His comfort in my sorrow- these are not just words to me- these are things I’ve watched manifest time and time again. His word sustains me, and His grace is sufficient, His mercy endures forever. For the longest time I tried to do right because I simply had a fear that if I went back I would die- but then it turned into I never wanted to go back because I wanted to live- and now it’s not even that I keep going on simply because of fear to go back- I keep going on because of the desire to spread God’s word & the excitement to know one day I will be walking along those golden streets & pearly gates- I could barely handle the hell I created here, surely not wanting to experience that at a higher multitude for eternity- I’m ready for that glorious day, when the trumpet sounds, and we shall inherit the kingdom of heaven . It’s not easy but it is so worth it!
Read also: When life is not a rose garden
