I haven’t always been the best person. I haven’t always walked in faith. I haven’t always known grace.
Someone once asked me, “If God were looking at you right now, what do you think He would say?” In that moment, I instantly thought about all of the sins I’ve committed, all of the people I’ve hurt, all of those moments where I couldn’t believe I just did/said that. You know, everything I had done wrong.
For the longest time, I would believe that things in my life were so hard because of a drink or drug. I thought that was the only thing that was causing my life to be terrible. One thing I have learned in sobriety- take away the drink and drug, And life still is hard!
It has always fascinated me how our sense of smell can evoke the most fantastic imagery and can allow our minds to transport us in that moment to places remote in our memory. Such was the case with me just a few Saturdays ago while perusing the aisles of the local home improvement store. The moment became an opportunity for God to speak to me, and enrich my soul.
The words fell hard upon my heart and rang repeatedly in my ears, “I have decided not to come home and will be by tomorrow to pick up a few things. I do not want to be married anymore. I’m actually in love with someone else. I want a divorce.” My husband’s piercing words cut me to the very depths of my spirit and struggling beneath the weight of the crushing news, I fell to the floor in tears!
Have you ever found yourself at rock bottom? Perhaps your marriage was failing, job interviews were not in your favor, or maybe friends had removed themselves from your life. Basically, your life didn’t look anything like you had imagined it would.
Friends let me tell you, rock bottom is nowhere you want to be. But unfortunately, that is where I found myself a few years ago. Although it is not the ideal place to find yourself-but praise God I was there. Seems absurd, I know, but it literally took me hitting rock bottom to find my way back to the top. I was faithless but God remained faithful.
Out of control
I thought I had it all. I was blessed with a hard-working husband, two healthy children at that time, a top of the ladder job, no mortgage on the new house we lived in, and even a nice car to drive…but you know what? None of those things helped me out of that dark pit I was drowning in. My husband had become distant, I lost that top of the ladder job, I had just had a miscarriage and none of those materialistic things mattered in the long run, because they could not pull me up out of the darkness. If anything, I was feeling like the water was continuing to rise. I called out for help but was too consumed by my own darkness that I did not even realize when God was answering. I was trying to remain in control and in all reality, I was out of control.
I was struggling big time. I finally broke down and stepped out of my comfort zone and found myself across from a pastor who I barely knew. All these recent disappointments had resurfaced hurt from my past. The Pastor suggested that perhaps I never healed fully from the past, I only healed enough to move forward. That opened my eyes to a new world. I guess you could say I was notorious for allowing myself to just forget all the hurt and pain. You know what I am talking about, just shoving it in the back of your mind and hope that you will just forget it.
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”Mark 11:24
I found myself praying a lot! I was not exactly sure what to pray for, I had distanced myself so far from God and any type of religion because I thought I could control my life and I would be able to fix it. But, as a matter of fact, I couldn’t fix it. The main tool in my toolbox was missing-God. I felt ashamed praying to God asking Him to pull me out of darkness when I had pulled away from him.
“if we are faithless, He remains faithful – for He cannot deny Himself”.2Timothy 2:13
Thanks be to God that He didn’t give up on me. He met me right where I was and provided me with the tools I needed to come up out of the darkness. He led me to a church that became my home, He provided me with faithful friends, He led me to a mountain top where I released my hurt, pain, and control. I felt renewed, He was the change in me. My brokenness brought me to God, without the scars from my past I would have never known how deep God’s love is for me. I am not who I was before, I don’t have to fear anymore, and now I see with my eyes wide open.
If you are feeling faithless in your darkness, don’t lose hope! You are never too far gone, God will run to you even when it seems as if everyone else has left you at your worst. I am thankful that God grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my darkness. He knew I couldn’t make the change, so He became the change in me. Thanks
“I will never leave you nor forsake you”.
Read also: Hope, even when…
One of the most beautiful trees of God’s creation that I have ever seen is The Weeping Willow. It looks so serene, peaceful and wise but it also has a haunting glow of sorrow. It reminds me of many elderly women that I cared for when I worked in nursing homes years ago.
The Weeping Willow
They have been through The Great Depression, The Civil Rights Movement and sent their husbands, brothers
Growing Solid Roots
They have witnessed and survived tragedy but through their journey, they have grown solid roots that sprout trunks and branches that sprout beautiful and
Today, many women use the term “strong” so loosely. But we women of today are just apple trees compared to these weeping willows. Yes, we have all had our share of trials and tribulations but we are still growing in wisdom, knowledge
True Definition Of Strength
These willows have been through the worst of times, yet survived and through their trials, they maintained eloquence, class and an attitude of gratitude, never whining and never complaining. They taught us that in the midst of their storm, fall to your
When they spoke, their words poured out wise instruction, encouragement and fair warning.
They despised lies, gossip, back-biting and foul language because they understood that life and death were in the power of the tongue and if you didn’t tame it, you got a switch to your back-side and a bar of soap in your mouth. You sat down at the dinner table saying your grace, and asking to be excused before you got up. School was a privilege not a burden and work came before fun.
The Anchors In Our Lives
They are the anchors in our lives, a glimpse of the flickering star of hope that we still have a chance to get it right by modeling them in their fight for faith, hope and the restoration of the family unit. They are the true definition of strength.
Let us not forget
“For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.” Ecclesiastes 1:18
Read also: The promise to Sarah
And suddenly a violent storm arose on the sea, so that the boat was being covered by the
waves; but Jesus was sleeping… (Matthew 8:24)
In this scripture Jesus Himself is giving us the perfect example of what to do during a storm. Keep on sleeping, not worth losing any sleep over it, because as another scripture says: Matt 6:27 AMP – And who by you by worrying can add one hour to (the length of) his life? Now I know it’s way easier said than done. Once you are in the midst of whatever you are struggling with (Your storm), it is hard to see the light, keep the faith and continue sleeping when all the worries keep you in fact awake. But I am here to say…..Trust and keep on sleeping.
Maybe you read my previous blog where I shared a personal testimony about the importance of praising the Lord. Circumstances can be hard and we don’t always feel like praising the Lord, but when we choose to praise Him anyway, it will lift us up. That’s the same with giving thanks.
In this blog I would like to share some personal testimony with you. It is such a privilege for me to be part of this project She Rises. I think it is wonderful to be able to reach out and encourage women through the Internet, to share with them what God taught me in my walk with Him and to learn from and be encouraged by the other blog writers. Our lives may be different, but our passion is the same: to proclaim how awesome and full of love our God is.